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Sage investment advice: $1000 of

November 20, 2002 12:00 am Published by

Sage investment advice:

$1000 of Enron stock one year ago is worth $16.55 today
$1000 of Worldcom stock one year ago is worth $14.50 today
$1000 of Sam Adams beer one year ago is worth $40 today (5 cent deposit)

How to do your laundry

November 19, 2002 12:00 am Published by

How to do your laundry – An essay by Plutor

  1. Put your dirty laundry in the washer, using your nifty Smart Card(TM) to pay for it. Be sure not to notice that you don’t have enough money left to dry said laundry.
  2. Wait 25 minutes.
  3. Take your laundry out of the washing machine, put it into the dryer, then act surprised when you can’t start it.
  4. Assume you have no money. Do not, under any conditions, check your wallet.
  5. Call your wife, because you don’t want to go to the ATM, and she might have squirrelled some away in a shoebox. Women plan ahead like that.
  6. If your wife tells you to use your precious change, say OKAY.
  7. Go all the way to the other building to add the aforementioned change to the aforementioned Smart Card(TM).
  8. Discover the Smart Card machine doesn’t accept change.
  9. Return, dejected, to your apartment.
  10. At this point, it is safe to check your wallet. You will have a single dollar bill.
  11. Go all the way back to the Smart Card machine.
  12. Discover that the Smart Card machine doesn’t accept bills smaller than $5. Why didn’t you notice that the first time you were there, retard?
  13. Return — AGAIN — to your apartment.
  14. Get in the car, in your pajamas and sandals, go downtown to the ATM, get money, and return.
  15. Try put the laundry in the dryer without killing or maiming yourself.

Note: This entire process works best on cold and/or windy nights. A slow drizzle completes the pathetic effect. You’ll wish you could film your fucking stupidity.

wsvw1u.com expiring

November 3, 2002 12:00 am Published by

Date: Sat, 2 Nov 2002 21:06:32 -0500 (EST)
From: "DomainMonger.Com" <service@domainmonger.com>
To: <log@wsvw1u.com>
Subject: Automated 30 day renewal reminder 2002-11-02

This message is to inform the owner of the below listed domain name(s) that it is time to renew your domain name(s). There is no disadvantage in renewing early as the renewal years are added to the current expiration date not the date you renew. So do not postpone your renewals.

Thank you.
Domain Name, Expiry Date
wsvw1u.com, 2002-12-02

Apache logrotate

October 23, 2002 12:00 am Published by

You know you’re an obsessive-compulsive standards snob when you get upset at non-standard behaviour of utilities like rotatelogs (included in the Apache web server). It does exactly what it sounds like: rotates your logs after a period of time, however long you define. It names the logs whatever you tell it, even allowing you to use strftime() syntax.

But, it doesnt use the local time to rotate the logs, like a normal sane application would. Oh no, it takes your local time and then MUNGES IT TO FUCKING UTC! You have to tell it how many hours you are from UTC! That means I have to change my httpd.conf next sunday!

I have created a solution though.